So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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