"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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