yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
