He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
