dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
