The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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