The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
