there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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