I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
