So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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