she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
