I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
