i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
