You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
vagina is talking i cant
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
