Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
The ass gains better be worth it
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