please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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