Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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