remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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