I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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