Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
