What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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