Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
