i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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