I'm pants shitting drunk right now
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
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