I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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