Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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