This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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