i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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