I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
