I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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