is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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