New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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