mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
