i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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