i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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