You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
