There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
