I accidentally had phone sex last night
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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