New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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