He uses pillows to masturbate.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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