Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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