STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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