do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
