when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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