I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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