I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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