i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
