i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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