Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
