That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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