good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
